Poke It With A Spork!
by Axel Lives
Summary: A soon to be collection of random HagaRen drabble parodies. I don't have a brain. Episode I: Star Wars WARNING: Characters may or may not be OOC andor stupid.


Moony: I'm bored...let's do some random drabbles. Oh, and I changed my pen name from **TokyoTeen13** to **Moony-san**.

Roy: Lemme guess...these drabbles will somehow involve you, your brother, and the rest of us in some idiotic and/or insane adventures. Correct?

Moony: Yeeeeeeeeep. PREPARE YOURSELVES!

Ed: I hate you.

Moony: I love you too, my alter ego.

Ryu: Well Roy, we should probably get the med kit and such...

Maes: ...or an anti-Genki kit...

Roy: ...or both...

Moony: Shaddup. Let's start.

Disclaimer: I don't own this anime, doo-da, doo-da. I don't own this anime, oh da doo-daa-de!

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CHAPTER I : Star Wars

Genki skipped hapily down the halls of Central, her brother Ryu and Ed at her heels. Laughing they stopped outside the office of one Colonel Roy Mustang. They took the time to carefully study the door with it's masterful oak appearance and stunnng wood finish. Then they glared at each other.

Inside the office, Roy was being held at gunpoint as he did is paperwork. Sometimes as he sat there bored out of his mind, he wished something exciting would happen. He should know to be careful what he wished for. Suddenly he cold hear muffled shouts from outside the office.

"Check this shit out mofo!"

"Oh no, this door's mine!"

Befre he could wonder what the shouting was about, the double solid oak doors came flying off the hinges straight at him. With a yelp he ducked, both the doors narrowly missing his head before crashing out the windows behind him. He stood up and looked about warily, spotting the three standing in his doorway.

"Oops..." Ed said

"What the hell was that for?" Roy growled, suddenly annoyed

"Forget the doors, something really important just happened!" Ryu shouted, two inches away from Roy's face

"What would that be?" Riza asked

"We just saw Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith!" Genki babbled excitedly

"You interupted his paperwork for-"

"Oh my God are you serious!" Roy said excitedly

Riza gave him a bewildered look. Then she noticed the attire of the three teenagers standing before them. Genki and Ryu were wearing their State Alchemist Uniforms and Ed was wearing his black shirt, pants, and boots...but instead of the black or red overcoats they would normally wear, they had brown hooded robes.

"What's with the robes?" Riza inquired

"Oh, those are the robes commonly worn by the Jedi Knights of the Old Republic. Pretty standard." Roy shrugged

"I'm surrounded by idiots..." Riza sighed

As the four of them talked, Gracia Hughes walked in towing Elysia with her. She had a very worried expression on her face and was about to speak to Roy until she saw him laugh insanely. Instead she turned to Hawkeye.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but have you seen Maes? He's been gone for the longst time..."

"No, I'm afraid I haven't. But I will keep an eye out for-"

Riza was interrupted as fog began to fill the room. She and Gracia looked around in confusion, the other four just snickered, still lost in conversation. Suddenly, deep breathing could be heard. Riza took out her gun and looked around wildly when a black figure stepped out of the fog. He continued the deep breathing as he walked over to Gracia. She looked at him, afraid, when he bent down to Elysia and spoke.

"Elysia...I...am your father." he said

"You're not my daddy!" Elysia said, throwing the toy she was holding at Maes in the Darth Vader outfit

"Prepae to die, scum!" Genki yelled

"Eh?" Maes said

They couldn't see Roy, Ed, Ryu, or Genki in the fog, but what they did see was four dierent colored lights appear and an odd sound with them. The lights moved forward and Genki jumped toward Maes, a blue lightsabre in hand. Maes yelled and dove out of the way as se swung down, cutting Roy's desk in half.

"Hey! That's my desk! You better not have damaged my coffee cup..." Roy growled, holding a red lightsabre and also wearing a brown robe

"Forget the stupid cup, we gotta kill Vader!" Ed growled, with a yellow lightsabre

"Yeah, we can't let him get away with trying to bring Elysia to the dark side!" Ryu commented, waving around his green lightsabre

"After him!" Roy yelled as the four charged out of the office after Maes

Riza and Gracia stood staring stupefied at the doorway of Roy's office. he day had started out so normally too...Riza groaned and opened one of the drawers in one half of Roy's desk. After some shifting around, she found what she was looking for. She pushed a button and revealed a purple lightsabre.

"We have to defeat them at their own game." Riza shrugged, as she, Gracia, and Elysia left the office to follow them

**IN THE HALLS**

"Come on guys, it's really me!" Maes yelle, running full speed down the halls in his Darth Vader outfit

"Yeah, and this is actully a story being written by an insane authoress! Stop talking crap and fight!" Roy yelled, chasing him

"But this IS a story being writen by an insane authoress!" Maes cried, not slowing down

Maes darted around a hallway corner and the others were about to follow until they fond their path blocked by three storm troopers, who held laser blasters aimed at them. They halted and put their lightsabres away, staring curiously at the three. Roy quirked an eyebrow before speaking.

"What is the meaning of this?" he asked

"I'm sorry sir but we can't let you pass." said the middle storm trooper, who sounded an aweful lot like Havoc

"Oh really now?" Ed said

"That's right. We cannot allow you to continue the harrassment of Lord Vader." said the one on the right, sounding suspiciously like Fury

"You will let us pass." Ryu said waving a hand in front of their faces

"No we won't, Jedi." said the third, who they cold have sworn was Farman

"You WILL let us pass." Roy said also waving his hand

"Alright you're good to go." said the one in the middle

"Thank you!" Genki said as they continued their chase

Maes sat cowering in the meeting room, praying to every god in exitance that they wouldn't find him. Well the gods were either deaf or didn't hear him, because the door was suddenly cut in two and kicked in. The four would-be Jedi Knights walked in and saw him shaking in the corner. Smirking, they walked over to him, lightsabres drawn and raised. But before they could deliver he blow, a black hooded figure jumped in front of them with a purple lightsabre.

"Don't even think about touching him." said the figure

"Oh my God...it's the Emperor, the traitor Chancellor Palpetine!" Ed stated

The figure lowerd the hood and revealed themself to be Riza. She glared at the four of them.

"Oh my God...it's the Emperor, the traitor First Lieautenant Hawkeye!" Ed restated

"I'm here to put and end to your foolish games." Riza said, raising her lightsabre

"Oh thank you Lord!" Maes cried, looking to the heavens

"Shut up, Maes!" Riza growled

"Yes, mother." Maes gulped

"Now then, let's just see what the four of you can do...come on." Riza said motioning for them to fight her

"Uh, give us a minute...JEDI GROUP HUDDLE!" Genki yelled as she, Roy, Ryu, and Ed started a plan

"OK, so what's the plan exactly?" Ryu asked

"Well, we can't fight a GIRL." Roy said

"Yeah, he's right. That's just not cool." Ed added

"You fight me." Genki noted

"Well, you're really not much of a girl." Roy said, earning him a smack upside the head

"Baka. Well, we have to fight her, even if she is a girl and our friend. We can't let the dark side win!" Genki said

"YEAH!" they all shouted

"OK, Riza. Let's go!" Roy said

In response, Riza flung her hand out and Ed levitated off of the ground. He hung suspended in the air for a moment, before he was thrown out the window. The three remaining would-be Jedi's gaped as they stared at the boken window. Ryu gulped visibly.

"Oh shit." he muttered

"Yeah? Well...same to you!" Genki said, using the force to throw Maes out another window

"Yes! Score one for the good guys!" Ryu cheered

Riza growled as she used the force to pick up the brother-sister duo and hurl themout a window as well. Roy stared shocked at the fall of his comrades. Ed...Ryu...Genki...they were all noble Jedi who had sacrificed themselves for the greater good. He wouldn't let their sacrifice go to waste. Drawing his lightsabre, he stood ready, a determined look on his face.

"Riza, you can hold me at gunpoint to do my paper work. You can yell at me every chance you get. But when youuse the force to throw our friends out the conference room window...you've gone to far." Roy said menacingly

As he charged forward, Riza whipped out her gun. He froze in his tracks as he stared down the barrel of the pistol. He sweatdropped. She pulled the trigger and he leapt to the side to dodge the bullet. He succeeded.

"Ha! You missed---"

Unfortunately Roy had not payed attention to where it was he was dodging to, and dove headfirst out a window. Riza walked over to te now all shattered windows and looked out them to the ground. The bodies of five people twitched spasmodically and there were scattered groans. She snorted as she walked away from the window and pulled the hood over her head again.

"Bakas..."

**EPILOGUE**

Riza and Gracia were presently applying bandages to the five idiots sitting in the hospital beds. Maes was still mad at Roy for the whole thing, and Roy was still deluding himself that they were still in Star Wars. He sniffled as he spoke zealously.

"Maes...you were like a brother to me. I loved you!" Roy cried

"I hate you..." Maes mumbled, from his full body cast

Riza was applying a new bandage around Ryu's stomach. He, Ed, and Genki also still thought this was part of Star Wars. Ryu stared upwards, one fist raised to shoulder level. His eyes were sparkly, and he spoke with an air of honor.

"And so, although the brave Jedi Knights fought couraeously, in the end the evil bitchy Empress--yyyeeeEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWCCCHHH!" Ryu screamed as Riza puled tightly on the bandage

"--with her use of maliciousness, pure evil, and bitchy attitude, overcame the--aaaaAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCKKKKK!" Genki screamed, as Gracia tightened her bandages as well

"--once proud Jedi Knights. There is no doubt that the world, without their noble influence, shall fall into chaos--AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!" Ed yelled as a wrench hit him in the forehead

Winry and Al stood at the door, Winry looking extremely pissed. She retrieved her wrench and returned to the doorway. Riza and Gracia finished with the bandages and walked to the doorway. Before they left, Riza turned to them with a han on Winry's shoulder. There was something about the way she was smiling that the five of them didn't like.

"We'll be back tomorrow to check on you again, and before we go I'd just like to tell you...Winry here, is my new apprentice. Bye bye now!" Riza said with a smile as she closed the door behind her

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the five yelled in unison

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Moony: Ah, well that was fun.

Roy: That's a pretty long freaking drabble.

Moony: -shrugs- Oh well...

Maes: I'm just glad I decided to bring that med kit after all...

Ryu: Well she's planning on writing more drabbles, so you better buy the industrial sized one...-sigh- Sis is a bit...overzealous sometimes.

Moony: You bet your bum I am! Reviews are appreciated, flame if you must, but remember...FLAMES COOK MY DINNER!


End file.
